Hell hath frozen over. I now have an iPhone (albeit a hand-me-down because my husband wanted the new one) and A TWITTER ACCOUNT. Just call me Ashton. I will send the first person to comment on this post my address so they can have the pleasure of shooting me. I swore I would never ever use Twitter. I'm long-winded after all. Why say something in less than 140 characters when you can ramble on for pages about it? Alas, it became a job requirement for my Famecrawler blogging gig, so I was sort of forced into the technological revolution, kicking, screaming and cursing Ashton Kutcher the entire way. (I know he didn't invent Twitter, but I like to blame him.)
My "handle" (I think that's what it's called?) is luluandmoxley. I'd send you a link to my page IF I COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO SO. Of course, I haven't said much of anything and might remain a silent Tweeter ... Interestingly, I currently have five followers, one of which is CVS Pharmacy. Were they so threatened by my quest for off-the-books prescriptions that they want to follow my every move to ensure I don't stray into the dark foray of online meds? I feel like I'm being stalked by my pharmacist. Can you take out a restraining order on a corporation?
Other things going on in my life probably not worth mentioning but I'm hard up for material:
--Moxley has informed me she is a boy and she is going to "be a daddy when she gets big." Listen, I am open-minded and will unconditionally love my children for exactly who they are. But I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I woke up this morning with a disturbing image of Chaz Bono in my brain.
--I am going to be interviewing Molly Ringwald next month. Please submit questions as right now all I can think of is: 1) Did anyone ever steal your panties in real life as proof they had sex with you? 2) Do Judd Nelson's nostrils look that big in real life? 3) Is Andrew McCarthy as bad of a kisser as one might imagine? 4) Do you call your kids the "brat pack" and then laugh like a hyena to yourself? I might add this interview is a means to an end really. Once you interview one celebrity, you gain some "street cred" and other celebrities might let you interview them. I think you know where I'm going with this. First Molly Ringwald, then maybe one of the Real Housewives then DANIEL CRAIG. My first (and probably last) question for him will be this: "Can I stick my tongue in your ear?"
--Speaking of the Real Housewives, I have an idea so grand, so innovative, so ground-breaking I may soon be brought onto Bravo as their Chief Creative Genius. I am proposing that the Real Housewives of New York and the Real Housewives of New Jersey be combined into one trashtastic program. If you're into the Real Housewives, read about it here. (And if you're not into Real Housewives, might I ask why? I don't like people who have lives of their own...)
--I am becoming the mother I always hated: I booked a party venue for the girls' third birthday. Which isn't for three months. And they have no friends. But they've been invited to parties and I'm afraid they'll wonder why they didn't have one once their birthday gets here. And let's face it, what's a couple hundred dollars compared to having a bunch of screaming preschoolers messing up your house? Plus, what would I do to entertain them all? I don't juggle and hiring a magician or similar must be at least $300 so I'm actually saving money.
Peace out. I have to go think of something to Tweet. If you simply tweet "shoot me" every day do the authorities eventually show up?